A Dearth of Father's Day Sermons

Rabbi Melanie Aron

June 15, 2002

Rabbi Jack Reimer, a prominent American Conservative rabbi, claims that a lot more sermons are written in honor of Mother's Day than Father's Day. One could theorize as to why that might be. Part of it could be the scriptural portions we have to work with. On this Shabbat, one day before Father's Day, we have in our Torah and Haftorah portions, stories about Jewish leaders who despite their other virtues were poor role mode as fathers.

Moses was a great leader of the Jewish people, but there is nothing in our tradition that ties him to his two sons in any positive way. His first son was born during his time in Midian and Moses named him, Gershon, "I have been a stranger in a strange land," His second son (who is mentioned only in passing in Exodus 16) was given the name Eleazar meaning "The God of my Father was my help and he delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh." These names reflect more on Moses' experiences than on any characteristic or experience of his sons. They are different from other biblical names, like Isaac, Ishmael or Jacob, which reflect something about the child, his birth, his destiny, his own story and not his father's.

Moses took his sons with him when he went down to Egypt, or at least Gerson whose circumcision is recorded in the Torah text. Circumcising your son is one of the obligations of a father, yet it seems that Moses did not fulfill his responsibility and Tzipporah, his Midianite wife, had to step in. Later we are told that Tzipporah and Moses' two sons were not present at the Exodus. Jepthah brings them to Moses in the desert "after she had been sent home" (Exodus 18:2). Moses seems more excited to see Jethro, his father-in-law, a priest of Midian and fellow tribal leader, than to be reunited with his wife and family.

Tzipporah is not mentioned directly during the desert wanderings but only by implication when Miriam and Aaron gossip about her. The Midrash believes that Moses, in seeking communion with God, absented himself a great deal from his family. In the Torah, Moses' children are nobodies, and in the Midrash, Moses' neglect of his sons is considered the cause of their not emerging as leaders.

Jepthah also fails as a father. Unlike Moses, the Midrash tells us he doted on his daughter and she was the most precious thing in his life. And yet, he destroys her in fulfillment of a foolish vow. Presumably he is following the model of what he saw others do during this time period, when child sacrifice was widely practiced, as he himself was uneducated in Jewish practice.

The only successful father in these two readings is Aaron, the High Priest. In a short section of the Torah portion, his death is described. Before his death he takes off his tunic and all his sacred vestments as High Priest and successfully hands them down to his son.

Jewish tradition insists that fatherhood is not necessarily biological. The one who raises a child is considered the true parent. The Torah allows a form of surrogate fatherhood, when a man dies without leaving a child and his brother marries his wife to produce a child. That child is considered the son of the deceased and is so named, ploni the son of the deceased.

Teachers are like fathers, so much so that their honor takes precedence especially in those situations where the father is only a biological relationship and it is the teacher who provides what a father should provide, guidance, values, discipline, direction and love.

Traditionally, the father is responsible for his son's circumcision and pidyon haben ceremony. The father is also responsible to teach his son Torah, find him a wife, apprentice him in a trade and teach him to swim.

CLACL has some suggestions for what it a Jewish observance of Father's Day might include.

We honor our fathers by thinking about their history, outlook, and dreams. What events shaped our father's childhood? What have they taught us? What hopes for us have yet to be realized.

In remembering father's who have died, we can play the music they would have enjoyed, read from a book they would have read, give to a cause they would have supported, or visit a place of interest to them. We can tell someone a story from part of their life.

As we pursue our work in the world, we need to be careful that we not be like Moses and leave our family behind. We also need to guard ourselves against using our children to further our own goals, as Jepthah did in taking his rash vow.

Like the father of Rabbinic times, we look to father's today to help children to succeed as adults, preparing them both for work and love, to be able to earn a living and to find partners and create families of their own. Father's are important also as transmitters of the Jewish heritage and models for what it means to be a member of the adult Jewish community.