Brothers

Rabbi Melanie Aron

November 9, 2002

Brothers don't seem to fair well in the Torah. This morning Sam told us about his Torah portion which concludes with Esau threatening his brother Jacob and Jacob fleeing as a result. We think also of the first brothers, Cain and Abel, and of Ishmael and Isaac who were also separated for a large part of their lives.

The Midrash suggests various reasons for the fight between Cain and Abel. First they suggest it was a battle over property. The two brothers have divided the world between them, but then Cain says to his brother Abel, you are standing on my ground and Abel responds, you are wearing clothing made from the skin of my animals. Another suggestion made is that they are fighting over a woman, as sometimes happens, or that their fight was about religion, each one vying that the Temple be ultimately built on their portion of land.

With regard to Ishmael and Isaac, the Midrash suggests that the elder brother teased, or tormented or even sexually accosted his younger brother.

Jacob and Esau were so different that even in the womb they were struggling with each other. The Midrash explains that each was drawn in a different direction, Esau to idolatry and Jacob to study and prayer.

Looking at these three pairs though, I wonder in each case if the problem was really with the brothers or whether it is elsewhere.

Was the problem between Cain and Abel really between them, or was it about the search for approval from another, in this case from God? Though we think of Cain as the exemplar of all the human causes of war, economic competition, territorial expansion, religious disputes, the Biblical text leaves things a little simpler. There the motivation is jealousy and resentment of Abel for having won God's approval.

Similarly I do not find any real evidence of Ishmael and Isaac not getting along, In fact, after Sarah's death, they join together to bury Abraham without any conflict. Sarah is uncomfortable with Ishmael being around, either because she fears he will take the birthright that she feels properly belongs to Isaac, or because of the potential influence that Ishmael might have on his younger brother.

Finally in our Torah portion, though we tend to focus on the differences, there is also much in the Midrash about the boys similarities. The hairiness of Esau is highlighted because the boys were twins and without that difference one would not be able to tell them apart. Esau is not without his good qualities, in particular the way in which he fulfills the mitzvah of honoring his father, and even his willingness to sell his patrimony for a pot of lentils can be understood in a more sympathetic way. This incident takes place just after Abraham's death and the meal Jacob is cooking is the mourner's meal of comfort. That is why it is lentils. Esau is distraught at the death of his grandfather, realizing for the first time, that everyone will ultimately die. In the shock of that realization, his patrimony, his future, has no meaning for him. When Jacob and Esau are together without their parents, as when Jacob returns from Haran, or at the time of Isaac's burial, they seem to get along fine.

Esau's resentment of Jacob comes from his parents issues, Isaac favoring one son and Rebekah, the other. Of course, that will certainly be the case for Joseph and his brother in the next generation.

The Bible also includes cases of brothers who do get along well. Ephraim and Menasheh, Joseph's sons, are one important example. There is no resentment between them, even when their grandfather Jacob blesses the younger with his right hand rather than the older. Their good relations are what we hope for our sons as we bless them each Friday night, May God make you like Ephraim Umenashehs.

We are also told that the twin sons of Leah, Issachar and ZeBelun, got along particularly well together. Later these tribes worked together so that one supported the other, one excelling in fishing and the other in Torah study. Finally there is the example of Aaron and Moses. Though here too the younger son became the more prominent, there was no resentment and they worked together for 80 years, 40 years in Egypt winning freedom for their people and 40 years as the Israelites wandered in the desert.

What this suggests to me is that blame for conflict between children should often be placed in the parental generation. I believe this is true not only for individuals but also for countries.

Think back to the days of the Cold War and consider how many of the conflicts that took place were instigated by or if pre-existing, fanned by, the conflict between the superpowers. I believe this has bearing on the Middle East as well. All through the 60's and even through the Yom Kippur War, Soviet support for the Arab cause played a significant role in the conflict in the area. Later in 1991 after the Gulf War, it was the lack of Soviet support, or anyone else to turn to, that forced the Palestinians into negotiation with Israel and resulted in the Oslo accords. The intifada has continued for these two long years to a great extent because the Palestinians have been receiving outside support both from Arab countries and from Europe, which prevents them from being motivated to settle their differences with Israel peacefully.

The rabbis taught us: Maaseh le-avot, siman lebanim. From what happened to our forefathers we can learn something of significance for their descendents. Sam, I hope someday your experience of closeness and understanding between brothers, can be the case for all families, and for all the families of the world.