Thanksgiving vs. the Holiday Shopping Season

Rabbi Melanie Aron

November 27, 2004

What is the most important three word phrase in the Bible?

I am sure there are lots of nominees:

I am the Eternal Your God. (that’s three words in Hebrew)

Do Not Murder.

Love Thy Neighbor.

In this week’s Torah portion there are two other phrases, nominated by Torah commentators as teaching a very important lesson. The phrases are almost identical, but are spoken by two different individuals, opponents and competitors for most of their lives, who come together and reconcile in this week’s Torah portion. Jacob and Esau were twins, viewed by our tradition as mirror images of each other. If one was quiet the other was loud, if one was strong the other was weak, and as is often the case where qualities are split, where one was viewed as the hero, though flawed, the other was viewed as the villain, though given credit in Jewish commentaries for the respect he paid his father.

In this week’s reading, when the brothers are re-united Jacob offers Esau a generous gift of rams and lambs. Esau insists that this gift is unnecessary: Yesh lee rav, I have plenty, he explains. When Esau attempts to return the gift to Jacob, Jacob demurs and explains Yesh Lee Hakol, I have everything.

The commentators note that it is because Esau no longer felt deprived that he was able to greet Jacob in peace. He felt that he had enough so Jacob’s possessions did not diminish his own. He felt that he had become great, so Jacob’s successes did not threaten him.

Similarly, we can look at Jacob’s statement. I have everything. Surely there were things he didn’t possess. But in choosing these words he is saying, I have everything that I need, I am not like I was as a young man, scheming to take your birthright and your blessing, I have everything that I need, I am no longer longing to have what is yours.

The rabbis point out that both Esau and Jacob as middle aged men have achieved a maturity that most individuals don’t attain even in old age. Most frequently, the rabbis write, “he who has a hundred, wants two hundred and he who has two hundred, wants a thousand.” Life, for many, is a race that never ends, an ongoing competition, a struggle to continue to acquire that which our neighbors have. It is a rare person who achieves true wealth, that is the ability to be content with that which they possess.

Earlier this week we celebrated Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving we count our blessings, considering each of the good things we enjoy. We pause to acknowledge the blessings that life and health, family and friends, our bodies and our minds, bring to us. Instead of taking everything for granted, we take note of the good things in our lives, prompting a feeling of gratitude.

But the day after Thanksgiving, begins a different season on our national calendar, the shopping season. During this season the focus is not on feeling grateful for what we do have, but on acquiring what we don’t have, not on appreciating the good in our own lives, but rather on focusing on the good in other people’s lives and wanting some of that. In stores, on tv, in the newspaper we are bombarded with messages stressing what we lack and urging us to focus on what is wanting, in terms of physical objects, in our lives. As humans we already have a natural tendency to focus, in any setting, on what is not complete and what is lacking. And while that can sometimes be helpful, as it enables us to notice details and to pass standardize tests; in other ways, focusing on what is missing is a recipe for disaster. It steals our satisfaction and destroys our tranquility.

The Chofetz Chayim, a rabbi famous for his ethical teachings, urges us to adopt Jacob’s attitude and see ourselves as already in possession of that which we need. Adopting this approach, we avoid anxiety and suffering and achieve calmness and serenity. I am sure I join clergy of all faiths in saying, whatever the holidays you celebrate at this season, may their celebration be centered around the values and teachings of your faith, and may the material gifts shared be a reflection of love and not a cause of strife and stress.