Have Enough?

Rabbi Melanie Aron

Friday, December 16, 2005

I am always impressed by people who can eat a few potato chips and then leave the half eaten bag alone because they have had enough. Being able to recognize enough is a gift, and not one that our society encourages us to develop. We tend to overdo whether on holiday meals or signing our children up for too many extra enrichment activities. Our economy, especially at this season of the year, thrives on the widespread belief that we do not have enough but need to go out and purchase more for our loved ones and for ourselves. But it isn’t just materialism and advertising, it is also the human tendency to compare ourselves to others that gets us into trouble.

In Hebrew the word for rich and the word for happy sound the same- osher, but one is written with the silent letter aleph and the other with the letter ayin which happens to also be the Hebrew word for eye. What is the difference between wealth and happiness the rabbis ask- ayin, no difference except for an ayin, an eye, the eye with which we gaze at what everyone else has.

In this week’s Torah portion, Esau and Jacob meet after being separated for over 20 years. As you recall they did not part as friends. Last Jacob heard, Esau was just waiting for his father’s death, so that he could kill his brother without distressing dad. Now 20 years later Esau approaches with 400 armed men. Jacob tries to appease his brother with gifts and by humbling himself. When they meet they exchange some simple words.

Esau asked: “What did you have to do with that whole camp that came to greet me?”

“It was to gain favor in your eyes”, replied Jacob.

“I have enough, my brother”, said Esau. “Let what is yours remain yours.” YESH LEE RAV, ACHI. I have enough my brother.

The two parts of this verse are connected. When I perceive that I have plenty, I can accept you as my brother, Esau says. Implying, but when we were young, it seemed like there was not enough to go around, and therefore we had to be adversaries.

The traditional commentators focus on the contrast between Esau’s words, I have enough and Jacob’s later words: God has been kind to me and I have everything- YESH LEE HAKOL. They use this as another opportunity to sing Jacob’s praises at Esau’s expense, and contrast Esau’s saying I have with plenty, with Jacob’s recognizing that what he has is all he needs. For example Ituray Torah quoting from the Kli Yakar reads it this way:” “I have a lot my brother”. Jacob though responded: “God has dealt graciously with me and I have all.” Esau claimed he had a lot but not all, for one who has a lot keeps wanting more and more. Jacob though said: “I have all.” In other words, what I have is enough for me and I am satisfied with my lot. “

To me it sounds as if the commentators are bringing their anti-Esau prejudices to the text. “I have everything” could be boastful bragging. I think that the stronger statement is to be able to say one has enough, even if one does not perceive oneself as having everything.

Not feeling like one has enough seems to be the human condition. Many people in the Bible feel some kind of lack. Some are seeking things of significance which God will ultimately provide- as in the story of Hannah, whose desire for what she is lacking, a child, is so genuine and heartfelt that God responds to her plea. However it is interesting to note that even here there is a comparative aspect to her lacking. Her unhappiness in part comes from looking at her co-wife, Peninah, and all of her children, and comparing her situation in life to hers.

King Ahab, is a very different example of someone who feels he does not have enough. Though he possesses the entire kingdom, he decides that he must have the field of Naboth, his neighbor. This being Naboth’s family’s ancestral portion, Naboth is not willing to sell. Ahab’s desire for that piece of land, and no other, leads him, with Jezebel’s encouragement to lie and steal and ultimately to cause Naboth’s death through a rigged court case.

Even Moses, as great as he was, is understood in some of the commentaries to have had moments where he too felt a lack. After 40 years of struggling for the Israelites liberation from Egypt, followed by 40 years of leading the Israelites in the desert, God retires Moses and appoints Joshua in his place. According to the Midrash when Joshua goes in to the Tent of Meeting for the first time to talk to God, Moses feels pangs of jealousy. Though he had had his special role and relationship for 80 years, still it was not enough.

Who, in the Bible, is good at understanding when enough is enough? Not surprisingly God is the model in this regard. The rabbis say that this was God’s initial task in creation, not so much creating out of nothing, but organizing the world and setting boundaries for each aspect of creation. For the rabbis, God is the one who said: DAI, enough, to the waters below and above, creating a space for our world. God was also able to say DAI, enough, on Friday afternoon and cease the work of creation. For that reason the rabbis say, God was called Shaddai, she-amar-dai, the one who says enough.

Recognizing that we have enough, experiencing satisfaction, is not so easy to do, but our relationship with God is meant to help in this regard. After eating, the model of all physical enjoyment, we are instructed to pause, to recognize our satiation and to thank God. The very familiar 23rd psalm begins, Adonai Roi, Lo Echsar, Adonai is my shepherd I shall not want. Only in recent years did I realized that this is not wanting as in desiring things, but that this is the old English use of the word want, as in something being wanting. If we felt in relation to God as flocks watched over by a caring shepherd, then we would not be so focused on what is lacking in our lives. We would have confidence that we would not ultimately find ourselves lacking. And this is what we are to achieve on Shabbat, a state of mindful satisfaction. All week we come before God with long lists of petitions and desires. On Shabbat we attempt to be samech bechelko- satisfied with our own portion in life.

I didn’t set out tonight, like Candide to prove that this is the best of all possible worlds. There is a place for recognizing what we lack. Sometimes that can motivate us to self correction and for appropriate exertions to achieve important things. But we need to make sure that what we are experiencing is truly a lack and that it is not just our comparative eye that makes us feel wanting. Regardless of how much we have, there is always more. That attitude will cause us endless frustration. We would do better to imitate Esau and recognize that sometimes, even without having everything, we have enough.