Titles: Personal and Professional

Rabbi Joel Fleekop

Saturday, February 10, 2007

On Shabbat last week, and again last night, our congregation was blessed to include in our Shabbat worship a baby naming ceremony. The ceremony, as many of you witnessed, is brief. It consists of just a few readings. But it is an important one. You see, up to that point the child, at least officially, didn’t have a Hebrew name.

According to Jewish tradition, a child is given a Hebrew name either as part of the brit milah, which takes place for boys at 8 days of age or, as we have witnessed, as part of a synagogue service. But even though the name might not officially come until later, at the moment of birth an infant already possesses a number of titles.

As soon as a child is born he or she is already someone’s son or daughter, someone’s grandson or granddaughter. Possibly even a niece or nephew. Someone might even call him or her cousin.

Journeying through life, the child will acquire more titles. For a year he or she will own the title of second grader and likely, for a few years at least, possess the titles of soccer player and pianist.

This morning Kara and Gabrielle acquired a title that will be with them the rest of their lives, that of Bat Mitzvah. God willing as they go through life they will stand under a huppah and acquire the title of wife, bring a child into this world and become a mom, and of course their academic and professional accomplishments will bring with them new titles like college graduate, lawyer, doctor, rabbi, C.E.O., or even president.

Having so many titles is a blessing but it can be a challenge knowing when to use which one.

Most of the time it is clear: sending a demanding email or letter to an employee--probably a good time to include your official work title. Signing a birthday card to a relative--best to use a title like uncle or cousin. Unless of course the card is being sent to a grandmother in Florida, then it is best to use the fancy title you have at work—it will give her endless nachas.

But other times, when our personal and private lives don’t fit into their discreet compartments but rather insist on overlapping, it is hard to know whether we are speaking as, and being heard as, a son or a doctor, an aunt or a lawyer, a father or a rabbi, a student or a friend.

In this week’s Torah portion, Yitro’s personal and private lives overlap.

Exodus 18:1 introduces Yitro as “Yitro, Kohen Mid-yan, Choten Moshe, Jethro, priest of Midian, Moses’ father in law.” After this first introduction, the story tells of how Yitro has met up with Moses and the Israelite camp in order to reunite his daughter and grandsons with their father. Since his role is clearly that of a family member, it is not surprising that throughout this unit of text, Jethro is identified exclusively as Choten Moshe, Moses’ father-in-law. That Jethro is there as Moses’ father-in-law is expanded by the great commentator Rashi, who imagines that Moses and Jethro shared the type of father-in-law, son-in-law relationship that keeps comedians and family therapists in business.

Close or not, it is clear at the beginning of the Torah portion that Jethro is interacting with Moses as his father-in-law. But as the narrative continues, this is no longer the case. The day after reuniting with Moses, Jethro gets up and sees how Moses spends all day, from morning to night answering the people’s questions about Jewish life and settling disputes among the people. Jethro goes up to Moses and, according to Exodus 18:17-21, tells him

The thing you are doing is not right; you will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. Now listen to me. I will give you counsel, and God be with you! You represent the people before God: you bring the disputes before God and enjoin upon them the laws and the teachings, and make known to them the way they are to go and the practices they are to follow. You shall also seek out from among the people capable men who fear God, trustworthy men who spurn ill-gotten gain. Set these over them as chiefs of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens, and let them judge the people at all times.

This advice sounds a lot like the type of sage wisdom someone who has spent their life overseeing the religious and civil needs of a community would offer to someone who has recently found themselves in the same situation. It sounds like the type of advice that Jethro, Priest of Midian, would offer to Moses, leader of the Israelites. And so we expect the text to return to the title by which Jethro was first introduced, Kohen mid-yan, Priest of Midian. But surprisingly, even though the role Jethro is playing has apparently switched, the title by which the text refers to him does not. The text continues to identify Jethro as Choten Moshe, Moses’ father-in-law.

I think this is instructive. Even though Jethro appears to have put on his professional hat, that of a Midianite priest, he is unable to remove the hat he wears in his personal life. He is still first and foremost Moses’ father-in-law. By recognizing this reality Jethro succeeds. Exodus 18:24 states, “Moses heeded his father-in law and did just as he had said.”

Let us learn from Jethro’s example. When we find ourselves in situations where our professional and personal lives overlap, let us do our best to share the wisdom our professions have given us without discounting the relationships that make our words so meaningful.

May our journey through life bring with it the blessing of many honorable titles, and may we bring blessings to the world by using those titles honorably and lovingly.

Shabbat Shalom