Marriage Equality & Jewish Values

Rabbi Joel Fleekop

Friday, October 17, 2008

Rabbi Akiva famously taught that the whole of Torah can be summarized as “love thy neighbor as thyself.” But Sifre Kedoshim tells us that Akiva’s assertion was challenged – and according to some rabbinic sources – trumped by that of Ben Azzai. Ben Azzai explained that the key to living Torah is not the verse from Leviticus quoted by Akiva but rather a line from Genesis. Zeh Sefer toldot adam byom bara eloheim, b’dmut eloheim asah oto. “This is the record of the generations of humankind. On the day when God created man, in the likeness of God, God made human.”

Our behavior, according to Ben Azzai, should be governed by the notion that all of humanity, that each individual was created b’dmut adam – in the likeness of God – or as it is described earlier in Genesis, b’tzelem eloheim – in the image of God.

The idea of b’tzelem eloheim is a powerful one, one that, as Ben Azzai suggests, does indeed serve as a foundation for much of the Torah. Seeing in others a reflection of the divine influences how we interact with other people – be it a close friend or the stranger behind the counter of a store. It also calls upon us to fight for the dignity and rights of others.

The notion of b’tzelem eloheim informed Jews involvement in the great Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s, and more recently our work toward the expansion of health care and the ethical treatment of immigrant laborers.

Tonight – and in the weeks leading up to the Nov. 4th election, I hope this important Jewish value will also inform the choices and actions we make regarding marriage equality – the great civil rights challenge of our time.

Recognizing the dignity of all people, the Torah teaches that there should be one set of laws for the citizen and the stranger. So too should the set of laws and rights we enjoy be secured for our fellow citizens who have for so long been treated as strangers.

For far too many years gays and lesbians have been expected to be either invisible or to live in de facto segregated communities. Though roughly one in ten Americans is gay or lesbian, members of the GLBT community have often been treated as strangers in their own country, their own cities, their own neighborhoods, and sadly – their own houses of worship. Like the parts of town that go ignored by those racing by on the freeway – gays and lesbians all too often are treated as though they don’t exist – or as though the reality of who they love, of who they are, should be kept secret.

Not only have many gays and lesbians been treated as strangers by their neighbors, but they have been overlooked by the law. Prior to the landmark State Supreme Court ruling on May 16, the hundreds of thousands of our fellow Californians who created families with same sex partners – living in committed relationships, diligently and lovingly raising children -- were governed by a different set of laws – denied many of the protections and rights associated with marriage – as well as the emotional value society attaches to the term marriage.

Proponents of Proposition 8 wish these loving families would again be invisible – both to the law and to their neighbors.

Many of us have seen the Yes on 8 Campaign suggesting that Same Sex Marriage would be taught in schools -- to children as young as 2nd grade. Not only is the ad blatantly false, it is misguided.

It is false because California laws prohibit anything regarding health and family issues be taught without prior parent consent. Those who ran the ad know that – that is why they cite a case from Massachusettes – not California. But more importantly it is misguided.

It is misguided because the TV ad suggests learning about families with two moms or two dads is harmful. It implies that knowing about families that really exist – loving families that in all likelihood send their children to the neighborhood school will do damage to a student. As Jews we refute the notion that knowledge, especially of human beings – individuals created b’tzelem eloheim - in the image of God, can be harmful. As Derekh Eretz Zuta teaches, the splendor of human beings is Torah.

It is the splendor of people I have been fortunate enough to know, members of the GLBT community I am blessed to call friends that have led me to fight for marriage equality.

During the two years I served as a rabbinic intern at Congregation Kol Ami in West Hollywood I had the opportunity to work with many same sex couples and their children. I met a lot of warm and talented people. At the same time, it is noteworthy how many of their families were struggling. Struggling with how to care for an aging parent or how to meet the needs of a special needs child. Struggling with the adjustment to retirement or the loss of a job. Struggling with an evolving relationship.

They came to the synagogue with the challenges and struggles faced by families all across the country because the truth is – that is what they are. They are families. They are families as challenged, as blessed, as difficult, and as holy as any other – no more and no less.

My friend and classmate Rabbi Darah Lerner always jokes – the goal she and her partner of 20 plus years, Kelly, share is to convince the world that gay people are just as boring as the rest of us.

I don’t know if Darah is right – but she and Kelly do prove something with their example. There is such a thing as a b’sheret.

A study taken at the beginning of the century showed that of the straight allies working for gay rights – 90% had a family member or close friend who was gay. That statistic may say something about self interest – but I think it also says a lot about what happens when a group of people are no longer invisible, when stereotypes, prejudices, and simply a lack of knowledge are challenged.

The Reform Movement was among the first denominations of any faith to openly welcome members of the GLBT community. The membership and involvement of gay and lesbians in congregational life slowly, but profoundly opened a lot of minds. And so it is not surprising that the Reform Movement was also among the first American denominations to support marriage equality – with the CCCAR in 1996 and the UAHC—now the URJ in 1997 calling for legislation that would provide gay men and lesbians equal opportunity to civil marriage.

In the intervening years our denominations support of gay rights has only strengthened. Today the Reform Movement stands solidly in opposition to Proposition 8. The two Regions of the Union for Reform Judaism that serve the state of California – The Pacific Southwest Council headquartered in Los Angeles, and our own, Pacific Central West Council recently passed resolutions reaffirming support for marriage equality and specifically speaking out against changes to the California State Constitution which would limit the rights of our fellow citizens -- changes that will go into effect if Proposition 8 is to pass.

These statements by our movements lay leadership are echoed by its rabbis. In September, The Board of Directors of the Pacific Association of Reform Rabbis, on which I proudly serve, unanimously passed a resolution opposing Proposition 8. In part, the resolution states, “Marriage is a basic human right and an individual personal choice, such that the State should not interfere with same-gender couples who choose to marry and share fully and equally in the rights, responsibilities, and commitment of civil marriage.”

But of course, rabbinic support for marriage equality is not limited to those of the Reform movement. A majority of California’s rabbis, regardless of denomination, have signed on as supporters of marriage equality and in opposition to Proposition 8.

Many of these rabbis, including myself and my colleagues here at Shir Hadash believe the love of committed same sex couples should be sanctified under the chuppah.

At the same time I know that there are rabbis and clergy of other faiths who are not comfortable with the religious recognition of gay marriage. So let me be clear on something. While my, and I hope your Jewish values inform your vote on Proposition 8, the measure is not a question about religious practice. The defeat of Proposition 8 – the preservation of marriage equality in California will not require any clergy member to officiate at same sex marriages, nor will it threaten the tax exempt status of any faith community. But it will allow loving same-sex couples to continue to share in the same rights many of us enjoy.

In his letter to the Jewish community of Newport, Rhode Island, President George Washington promised that in America, bigotry would find no sanction.

Let us do our part to fulfill Washington’s prophetic words. Let us work to ensure that prejudice and discrimination are not written into the California State Constitution.

Leviticus teaches Lo Ta’amod Al Dam Ray-eh-cha– Do not stand idle while your neighbor bleeds. So too we cannot stand by as the rights and dignity of our neighbors, friends, and fellow congregants are threatened -- of human beings created b’tzelem eloheim - in the image of God – are threatened. Fortunately – there are many things we can do to help.

This Sunday and on Wednesday nights leading up to the election, phone banking will take place here at Shir Hadash.

There are also buttons and signs for you to take tonight – showing your support for marriage equality. This weekend, put one of the buttons on and go knock on your neighbors’ doors. Ask them to support and protect the rights of our fellow citizens to legally marry the person they love.

As you election nears, call your friends and family and make sure they vote.

And most importantly, as you cast your ballot – vote in favor of marriage equality – vote No on Proposition 8.

May marriage equality long endure in this, our Golden State. Ken Yehi Ratzon – May it be God’s will.