Unexpected Gratitude

Rabbi Joel Fleekop

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Following the girls important and well crafted speeches this morning, Hannah Spodick and Hannah Stein each took a moment to say thank you: thank you to their families and thank you to all those who helped them along their path to becoming Bnot Mitzvah.

While we in the clergy encourage them to keep this part of their remarks brief, saying thank you is of course an important step. It offers students a chance to reflect on their journey to today and is in many ways a sign of their maturity — of their adulthood — as they are able to acknowledge that they have not reached this important milestone on their own.

Saying thank you has a long tradition in Judaism. As the two Hannahs and their families did just a few moments ago, we offer the Shehecheynau blessing in thanks for reaching special occasions and offer words of appreciation for such joys as seeing the ocean or spotting a rainbow amongst the parting clouds. On a more regimented basis, Jews traditionally offer blessings before and after meals. In the morning we sing the words of Modeh Ani, thanking God for implanting within us a pure soul, and Asher Yatzar for the miracle that is our bodies. And 3 times a day, 7 days a week, the penultimate blessing of our Amidah prayer — the central part of our communal worship, is Birkat Hoda’ah — a blessing of Thanks.

Saying thank you permeates Jewish living — in the ways I have enumerated, and of course in countless ways that go unmentioned. But the commentaries on this week’s Torah portion reveal an unusual show of gratitude.

Exodus 7:19 reads, And the Eternal said to Moses, “Say to Aaron: take your rod and hold out your arm over the waters of Egypt — its rivers, its canals, its ponds, all its bodies of water — that they may turn to blood; there shall be blood through the land of Egypt, even in vessels of wood and stone.”

Commenting on this verse, the rabbis wonder why isn’t it Moses who turns the waters of the Nile to blood? Why does God add the extra step of instructing Moses to instruct Aaron what to do in order to bring about this, the first plague?

In Midrash Exodus Rabbah, Rabbi Tahnhum answers this question. As if addressing the biblical Moses, Rav Tanhum teaches, “it is not proper that the waters that protected you when you were cast into the river should now be smitten by you.” In other words, since the waters of the Nile kept the infant Moses aloft until his discovery by Pharaoh’s daughter, it would be wrong and show a lack of gratitude for him to now bring harm to the river.

Rabbi Chayim Shmuelevitz expands on this notion in his 20th century commentary, Sichot Musaar. Shmuelevitz writes “water is an inanimate object that does not have free will. When something floats in water and does not sink, it would not occur to give thanks to the water for its buoyancy. Nevertheless, we learn from this verse that if a person derives pleasure from an object, he should show his gratitude by being careful not to cause harm or damage to the object .” To this, Shmuelevitz adds, “Since this is true concerning inanimate objects, all the more so we must show gratitude toward people who have shown us kindness.”

This seems like a simple truth, but showing gratitude for past kindness is not always easy, especially when a current relationship is strained or contentious.

Filled with frustration and anger at Pharaoh, it is easy to image how Moses might have forgotten the past kindnesses and blessings he experienced in Egypt. And so God, through somewhat circuitous instructions, reminds Moses to show gratitude and respect.

Those ancient instructions, encountered in this week’s Torah portion, are a reminder to us as well.

Earlier, Hannah Stein shared how a once strained relationship has evolved into a friendship. But sadly, friendships can often evolve the other way as well — people grow apart and relationships sour.

That is true in all aspects of life. Whether dealing with a teacher or coach, an employer or employee, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even a husband or wife, relationships often end under challenging circumstances.

In those times it is easy to focus on the negatives — on the pain and anger. But Jewish tradition challenges us to still be grateful for the positives in the relationship — the things that were learned, the kindnesses shown — even if now part of the past.

The late Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik taught that if you studied at a school, even if you come to disagree with the school’s approach later, don’t condemn it because of those aspects of the institution with which you now disagree. After all, that school played a part in making you who you are today.

So too all those people who have been a meaningful part of our lives, even if we didn’t always get along, even if grievances led to a parting of the ways, -- they too played an important role in making us who we are.

And so as we celebrate our accomplishments and prepare to take on new challenges, let us remember to be grateful -- not only for those people and experiences that are remembered warmly, but all those that once brought blessing to our lives.

Ken Yehi Ratzon, May it be God’s Will.